We went out to San Bernardino today to get Jayden’s birth and death certificates. It killed me to see “DECEASED” written across his birth certificate in big bold letters, and the death certificate pretty much speaks for itself. No mother or father should ever have to get into their car to go pick up their child’s death certificate. Receiving the recognition of a child's birth should be a joyous thing, but I hated it!
After that, we needed to go to Loma Linda University Medical Center – the hospital Jayden died at. We walked through that all familiar lobby, up the familiar elevator and into the familiar ECHO lab. I sat in the waiting room filling out forms to have his records released, the same waiting room we were sitting in with Jayden just a week prior to his death. I looked over at the exact seats we last sat in, where we were taking pictures of Jayden making his silly faces. I remember him looking at us, wondering what on Earth mommy and daddy were doing!! After being charged WAY too much for his records, I was THRILLED to walk out of that hospital.
Later tonight, we went to visit Jayden only to find his things were messed with once again. The heart-shaped cactus we bought him had been destroyed and there was dirt all over his head stone. This is the fourth incident we have had with people messing with or stealing his things. I don’t understand why people do that. It is really annoying, and it is making me dread going up there. I now know to expect the things we leave for him to be gone or trashed. I have decided to make a sign and post it to remind people what they are doing is wrong.
One thing that did lighten up the day a little was when we were getting ready to say goodbye to Jayden, the sprinklers came on and soaked all of us!! It was already cold, and we had just put on our jackets, only to have to take them off again and freeze!
I am excited for tomorrow. A lot of our family and friends have written Jayden a letter made him a picture. We filled an Easter bucket full and will be bringing them up to him. If they are still there after Easter, I will be bringing them home and putting them in his scrapbook.
Mom and Dad miss you so much! There is not a moment that goes by that you are not on our minds, or being talked about. There is nothing we wouldn’t do to have you here with us, happy and healthy. We love you sweet boy and can’t wait for the day we get to see you again!!!!