Sunday, August 2, 2015

"God Needed Another Angel"

"God Needed Another Angel"

Let me tell you...  This is one of the worst things you can say to a grieving mother, whether they're in their first days of grieving or years down the road.  We don't want to be told that GOD took our child from us.  I know a lot of people panic and don't know what to say, and I am sure they say this with the best of intentions, but please don't.  I am over three years into my loss, and I still don't like this saying at all.

It is incredibly difficult to find the right words when your friend or family member has lost their child.  Unfortunately, there isn't much anyone can say to make us feel better.  Having a child ripped from your arms puts you into a paralyzing shock and frankly, most of us aren't able to process anything for the first several days.  After I lost Jayden, I didn't eat, sleep, or talk to anyone but my mom for about 4 days.  My mom was the only person I had that offered me any kind of real support, and she was in a different country.  She talked about Jayden and she did her best to get me to take care of myself, all over the phone.  This is the absolute best advice I can offer anyone who is trying to support a grieving parent.  Offer to babysit other children, bring food, and promote self care.  The fact that I was not physically caring for myself anymore, only worsened my mental state.  Most of all, please don't act like our child never existed.  Remember our child.  The only time I could cry after losing Jayden was when people talked about him.  Perhaps my response only encouraged people to keep his name under lock and key, but it made me feel good to know I wasn't the only one thinking about him.

I know it is tricky finding to correct reaction to a friend who lost their child, but be there for them.  Let them know if they need you, you're only a call away.  Most of all, don't use the cliches like "God needed another angel", or "he/she's in a better place".  Although it may be true, and we all want to believe our child is in Heaven, it really hurts to hear things like that.  Just honor our child's memory and help us take care of ourselves.

1 comment:

  1. I do not know how we became friend's,you were mad at me,when you changed the name of your page,Facebook asked a stupid question before I knew he had passed,but I do want t say something,I have 3 children in Heaven,The way I take it,is,Our bodies can just take so much,but we do not take our bodies to Heaven,they just house our soul's,some body's to take any child's place,because now I know I have my life right with Jesus,I carry these children so close to me,even not knowing them,Jesus put this Journey in my lap 19 month's ago,I cry. feel the pain,but that is my journey<I seek the Bible for answer's.That is all we can do.